Two Great Forgivers make a Great Relationship
If you have been dreaming of the perfect home, perfect relationship, (you know - all sunshine and rainbow; the lady kissed the frog and it turned into a handsome prince (Lol); they got married and went to live in his castle and they lived happily ever after) Think again, well. The living happily ever after is a great relationship goal and quite possible but to assume all will be all sunshine and flowers every minute of the day, wouldn't be that cool.
You will offend and be offended, as long as you are two different individuals, there will be cause for offending and forgiving. Knowing this in advance, one of the tools you will use to sail through the minefield of offenses in relationships and marriage is forgiveness.
Statements like: "I don't forgive easily", "It's just the way I am", "I forgive, I don't forget", "hurt me once, lose my trust for ever"; do not spell a bright future for such people when they enter into relationships.
1. Learn to Forgive and Forgive Easily.
While some do not forgive, some others forgive, but not so easily. You will beg and beg and beg, after days of pleading, begging, and 'shakara-ing'; before they forgive. The holding unto grudges for days, even weeks, refusing to be appeased, taking delight in seeing their spouse suffer in guilt - ain't worth it. One shouldn't do that. A lot can happen in the shortest of time, positive stuff and negative ones too. Be easy to be appease. James 3:17.
2. Develop Patience and Tolerance.
Some people have a short fuse, just a little provocation, and they are off like a pack of domino's. They come crashing on the offender. Lean to overlook and tolerate. It isn't everything you react to. Do not be quick to get offended. Any small thing you wee just vex for laidis, somebody can not play with you?
James 1:19: "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and SLOW TO BECOME ANGRY"
3. Learn the act of Self Control.
When you have control over your emotions and reactions; when you learn to respond not react, you will not offend your spouse easily. Your spouse says something that pisses you off, a self controlled person will smile, ignore, and later on, may bring up the issue or forget it all together. But, one without self control will just lash out, whereas the spouse may not even know she said something that offended him in the first place. Learn to calm yourself down when ticked. Mature People control their emotions and are not controlled by it.
4. Think before you say and do anything.
Sometimes we just blot out certain words, only to realize too late, that they weren't appropriate or nice. I know we all make mistakes, but with practice you can get better at thinking first before speaking.
Wife: Honey, you know I am not good in math.
Husband: I know, of course. If it were an issue of mathematical intelligence, you are the last person I would have married.
He may be joking or not mean to insult his wife. But think again; to some people this may not be an insult, but that's it - some people, not all persons! So if in doubt of the category of people she might fall into, just drop a moderate joke.
Wife: Honey, you know I am not good in math.
Husband: I know, and I love you like that. Math or no math. OR - No problem, I will do the kid assignment when I'm done shaving.
Be thoughtful, you will offend people less with your words or actions.
5. Learn to say I am sorry.
If there is one thing my mum taught me, it's saying I am sorry. Some persons are just so - I don't know - full of themselves. They will offend you and act like you offended them just because they can't bring themselves to say "I am sorry".
Learn how to apologize. It is an art. Do you know that just as we have love languages, we also have apology languages. I was shocked when I found this out. It's a book written by same author of Five languages - It's titled "Five Apology Languages". You can check out the book. You'll discover how to apologize and turn around awful situations into awesome moments.
6. Do away with pride.
Pride is a known destroyer of relationships of all sizes and shape. Swallow your pride. If you've erred, go on your knees if need be, don't tell me you are a man, or "a whole me". Is your ego really worth your relationship and home? You decide! Swallow the pride, admit you are wrong, then beg, plead, ask, for forgiveness.
Great marriages are actually made up of two great forgivers!
Your marriage must Succeed. It Will. Just be prepared to overlook, forgive and ask for forgiveness. It's hard work yet it's an easy work and it's worth it.
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