MG's thought on why Intra-parish (or Intra-church) marriages are rare
I actually have for a while now, observed a trend that occurs in our churches. Had a chat with a friend a while back, and when she brought up the issue, it occurred to me that I had once planned to make a post on it, and well, here it is.
Have you ever observed that in churches, the young men tend to go out of their parishes or missions entirely when it's time to pick a spouse? Most of the weddings I've attended were between the young man and a lady from a different mission (in the case of same mission, different parishes).
The question for the brothers in our local parishes is this: Aren't they seeing the sisters or the sisters aren't virtuous ladies? Abi the Holy Spirit doesn't reveal them to the brothers?
Several ladies have actually asked me: "Don't the brothers see us?", "Are we not good enough?", "Must they go out to pick wives?".
Have you ever wondered this?, Has someone ever asked you such? If yes, what do you think could be the cause?
Well here's what I think.
• Over Familiarity:
Well, you know as we say, over familiarity breeds contempt. Maybe, not contempt exactly, but since we see each other everyday, we come to feel like brothers and sisters - like a family; and no brother wants to marry his sister; some ladies will even turn the brothers down for same reason. It's like the familiarity of being in same local assembly kills intimacy. We no longer consider ourselves as members of the opposite sex but as family members, God's children, coworkers in God's vineyard, and nothing else. Like a brother, who when a particular sister is revealed to him as his wife to be says: "Is that not sister xyz, no way, I know her, she is my friend in church". Is it your enemy you want to marry before?
• Too much Religiosity:
Religion kills, Christ sets free, we sometimes get too religious for our own good. Brothers and Sisters in Christ, yet men and women. We go on fasting and prayer sessions together, we study God's word together, we cast out demons and heal the sick together, to the point when brother looks at sister all he can see is a demon destroyer, so when he needs a wife, he goes outside. And when sister looks at brother, all she can see is a mentor, a spiritual father, who she will assume has no desire for intimacy, as a sister once told me: "I can't marry someone like you, you will be be a boring husband", iz e fair?
We are so holy in church that as ladies we don't laugh at our brothers' jokes, we don't even play with them, so we just don't get to show out our fun and social side in church, which shouldn't be.
• Rules and Regulation:
As we are in same assembly, we are closely monitored. Laws abound to discourage fornication, true, but funny laws at times. A brother must not be seen holding a sister's hand for any reason, or else suspension. Sister laughs at a brother's joke - suspension, brother visits sister at home - suspension.
So the environment in our local assembly may not avail one the opportunity to become social enough with members of the opposite sex, to discover their fun side and uniqueness, and to consider them as choices for life partners. After all, you can't marry a person you do not know, and you will not know a person if you do not get close to the person. And where laws discourage any form of going close to the person, you end up knowing mostly those you work with in the office, or those you meet from other missions whom no law forbids your close association with them.
• Commonizing:
Sisters look down on Brothers, Brothers look down on Sisters.
The "I can't marry someone from my local assembly" syndrome actually exists. Some of us (brothers and sisters alike) have this mentality without conscious recognition. Sometimes it's just a thing of pride. Other times, we just overlook and commonize each other, the feeling of "the grass on the other side" being more attractive..
I don't know if I was able to do justice about this issue and it's causes, but one thing I know is that this issue is as real as you and I.
Feel free to add your thoughts on this issue, your thoughts always are appreciated.
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