Discuss! Talk about Everything!!

By -
"Each time we are through having sex, I take some concoctions to flush my system and my Husband isn't aware. He wants kids, I don't."

Chanced upon a woman some years back, we got talking and she hinted me on the fact that she didn't want to have any kids in the mean time. I replied her that it's not a problem since her husband was privy and had made that arrangement along with her. To my shock she said her husband wasn't aware and that he was actually expecting her to get pregnant soon, as they were having sex without any form of protection. She went ahead to tell me that she flushes her system with some funny concoctions which I can't remember now (whenever she had sex), I think it was the popular Fayrouz drink and some other random stuffs. She was told it would prevent the husband's sperm from fulfilling its mission. Now isn't that sinister? The poor man was probably hoping to hear her say she had missed her period and all that..
I asked her, what if he finds out, do you expect him to be happy, shake your hand, and give you a medal? Won't that discovery break him down or breakdown your marriage? I asked if they did court before getting married. Sure, they did. I wanted to know why they both didn't discuss and reach an agreement about this, but she couldn't answer that.. That's how we court disaster by ourselves.

It is advised to have at least a minimum of one year courtship, with two years being the most favored choice. 365 days of courtship (or most likely), and two matured adults never got to discuss having babies and when..

Beyond having fun, you know, going to the beach and cinemas and all that; gazing into each other's eyes and declaring all the love in the world for each other; visiting family members, praying together and doing stuffs together. Beyond all that, courtship is a time to discuss: "Me, I don't like sleeping with the light", "Bros, don't be angry, but I won't be pounding yam for you oh",... Discuss, tell someone by your side. DISCUSS! So what do we discuss?

• YOUR FAITH: Which church to attend, joint church or different Churches, offering and tithing, healing, having a family altar or none,.. Discuss about your beliefs especially if from different Christian backgrounds.

• YOUR FINANCES: Joint account, separate accounts, emergency funds, who is in charge of payments, bills, plan future projects, dream house, how to finance family project, investments, debts, limit to debts, etcetera. In Summary, discuss anything money related you can remember.

• SEX : I had been recently reading about sex in marriage life for a while now; a research sort of; and from the information I got and the information that is readily available from the pulpit, there is a lot of grey areas left blank that has lead to a good number of unhappy Christian homes. You hear issues ranging from frequency of sex, to time it should happen, etcetera. A particular lady wouldn't allow her husband have sex with her in the morning or afternoon as she was told sex should only happen in the evening/night. Intending Partners should discuss! One would be amazed to discover the funny myths about sex out there, where is sex to done, various kinds of sexual practices (oral sex, anal sex, what have you). Discuss using your faith, the scriptures, and wise counsel from seasoned marriage Counsellors and Books. I would recommend the book MODEL MARRIAGE written by Dag Heward Mills. It covers marriage and sex in the Christian home realistically and scripturally. When discussing this issue, one have to consider his/her partner's preferences and inhibitions; consider your partners needs over yours, don't demand or force on them what they are not willing to offer. Romans 12:10 says "Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another".
We must also be flexible, and avoid being rigid. We must be willing to learn as long as we have not trespassed any of God's command. Sex is meant to be enjoyed so don't make it out to be a necessary evil or a boring act that it is not meant to be.
Where he/she is not willing or comfortable with a particular issue regarding sex, don't force her/him, better still, go separate ways if you can't seem to agree about this.
Amos 3:3 says: "Can two work together except they agree?". Discuss sex and it's various variations and forms, and do so with wisdom, before you find yourself experimenting...

• FAMILY LIFE: How many kids?, family planning, when to start having babies, where to live, buy a new house?, Raising the kids, method of discipline for the kids, spanking or no spankings of the kids,.. Discuss! how do we raise the kids?, do the boys cook?, what kind of adults do we want to raise our kids to be?, do we get house helps or never?. How do you want to run your family? Discuss household roles and chores before marriage, especially sharing of responsibilities before the arrival of the kids. Who does what?
It may be funny, but household chores have broken several homes. Who cooks?, does he believe in men in the kitchen?, Is he traditional in his thinking, or is he more open?, Do your expectations meet his?..

• IN-LAWS: How to handle the in-laws, will it be okay for the in-laws to live under same roof with them sometimes?, limit to financial help and other assistance to be rendered to in-laws, how each partner expects the other to treat the mom and dad and vice versa. Intending partners should share knowledge about each other's relatives, those to trust, those to avoid, the dubious ones, and the honest ones. This is important and can save some future troubles.

• ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING: Discussion with your loved one ought to be fun, so why not discuss. Too much of it never killed a relationship, but too little of it, has and will! Remember False Consensus Effect. Don't assume or infer you are on the same page, before tomorrow you will be headed down to the counsellor's office for settlement or consulting a divorce attorney for irreconcilable differences as is often cited, or worse.

Discuss with honesty, be willing to compromise, be willing to listen and understand your Partner, don't impose your needs or ideas, you are a Team after all! He that fails to plan has planned to Fail!!
Discuss!!!

Credit: Musa Gift (MG)
Welcome to the Blog. I love Positivity. I love sharing Positivity. I encourage You to always be Positive. Positivity pays. It's what we all need to achieve both personal and cooperate Success and Fulfillment. Develop a Positive Mindset. Build Positive Relationships. Have an open mind to Learn and Improve. Always seek to grow and be the best available Version of Yourself. Always Believe that You CAN!

Comments

  1. Damilola Ayomide29 June 2017 at 07:46

    I like this post a lot.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Damilola Ayomide29 June 2017 at 07:47

    I like this post a lot.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Daniel Adulphus29 June 2017 at 09:49

    Yeah, it's a cool one. Talking about everything and planning saves one from a lot of issues later on

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

Eye health: Keeping healthy Eyes (Part 2)

By -
Image
This part focuses on diet and eye health. Good eye health requires the consumption of nutrients like omega-3 fatty acids, lutein, zeaxanthin, zinc, beta-carotene, vitamins A, C and E, etcetera. Deficiency of these nutrients contributes to poor eye health Food sources that are positive for eye health include; - Green leafy vegetables like spinach, kale and others - Fruits like citruses and berries (oranges, etcetera). Also almonds, carrots, tomatoes, mangoes, pawpaw - Fatty fish such as tuna, salmon, mackerel. - Non meat protein sources like eggs, nuts, beans, etcetera - Diary products like milk and yoghurt Unhealthy foods such as processed foods, foods containing saturated fats, or foods that are high in sugar, should be limited and less consumed. Stay healthy! Stay Positive!!
Read more

Life and Relationship

By -
How would you define "Life" if you were asked to? I was thinking about this and I came up with two simple definitions, which are related to each other. Life is happiness; and Life is loving yourself, loving others and loving God. Both definitions are related because you can't be happy without loving yourself, loving others and loving God. A large book can be written just to break down this definition. Loving yourself means you do the things that makes you happy, not just happy but also helps you grow and get better and more positive. It involves chasing your dreams, developing and using your natural talents and striving to have a better life tomorrow. The nice thing about your person is that you're Unique, with your own unique talents and abilities. Those talents and dreams you're working hard to achieve will not only serve the benefit of making you fulfilled or giving you a comfortable life, but they are also meant to benefit the world around you. That...
Read more

Sports this Week

By -
Image
On Sports this weekend, we look at some completed transfers over the past week. Photo Credit to Wikipedia • On Friday, 14 July: Kyle Walker completed a £45m transfer from Tottenham to Manchester City. The right back signed a 5 year contract. Sammy Ameobi also completed a free transfer from Newcastle to Bolton. Chelsea loaned Lucas Piazon to Fulham. • On Thursday, 13 July: Watford Signed Nathaniel Chalobah from Chelsea, for an undisclosed fee. Tigres signed Enner Valencia from West ham, for an undisclosed fee. • On Wednesday, 12 July: Chelsea loaned Ruben Loftus-Cheek to Crystal Palace. Dani Alves completed a free transfer from Juventus to Paris St-Germain. He signed a 2 years contract. Adnan Januzaj completed a £9.8m transfer from Manchester United to Real Sociedad. • On Tuesday, 11 July: Dominic Solanke completed a move from Chelsea to Liverpool for an undisclosed fee. Jack Cork completed a £10m trabsfer from Swansea to ...
Read more

Your personal health and fitness is essential!

By -
Image
"I am as passionate about personal health and fitness as I am about financial health. I believe your health is your most prized possession. It amazes me how many people pay no attention to their health. ... You know what you’re supposed to eat. We all do. Fresh fruits and vegetables, complex carbs, salads, whole foods, lean meats, more fish and poultry than beef... You know it, I know it, we all know it. So why do so many of us still go out and chow down cheeseburgers and fries every day? I’ll tell you why: because it won’t kill us. Not today. If you ate a cheeseburger and immediately suffered a near-fatal heart attack, would you ever go near a cheeseburger again? I doubt it. It may take twenty or thirty years, but when you add up the compounded interest on all that high-fat, artery-clogging dietary mayhem, eventually your poor overworked heart just quits, stops dead. And so do you. It has been said that we dig our graves with our teeth. It’s easy to ea...
Read more

From Jude's Wall (Part 14)

By -
Image
• Graça Machel is the only woman in history to have been First Lady of two separate nations, serving as the First Lady of Mozambique from 1975 to 1986 and the First Lady of South Africa from 1998 to 1999. • If the amount of water in your body is reduced by just 1%, you'll feel thirsty. If it's reduced by 10%, you'll die. • Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate birthdays because the only two accounts of birthday parties in the Bible ended in murder. • In Turkmenistan, citizens do not pay for water, gas and electricity. • On 17 March 1982, the former France International footballer, Jean-Pierre Adams, was given anaesthetic that should have knocked him out for a few hours to perform a knee operation, up till today he is still in coma and yet to wake. • The rape of males over the age of 14 is not a criminal offence in the People's Republic of China. • Beer is the third most popular drink overall after water and tea. • Apples’ earnings is twice bigger than Niger...
Read more

What Innovation can do to your life

By -
Image
I came across this piece and felt I should share it here. Thumbs up to the original author! It's a talent that everyone has, yet they think they don't. The power of innovation. If you've ever marvelled at somebody's creative prowess, guess what, you can create and innovate too. It just takes time. Everyone is born creative. The box of crayons in kindergarten were not limited to those who possessed potential; because the truth is, everybody has potential. You know how long it took to learn to ride a bike or drive or to never commit the same mistake again? It's the same with innovation. It takes a bit of practice and a lot of time before this mind function comes easily when called. This article will teach you a few tips on how to bring innovation into your life. Don't listen to what other people say. Follow the beat of your own drum. Allowing for the input of other people will only bring cacophony to the music you are trying to make. If you have an original ide...
Read more

We first have Standards; then we can talk Consistency

By -
Image
People who stand for something are those who are consistent in their choices. Consistency helps build Reputation. Consistency helps build Result. Consistency is what we do repeatedly no matter what. The difference between EFFORT and EFFECT is Consistency. We cannot be consistent if we don't stand for something. Every organization is built on the service delivery and experience and this both is a derivative of consistency. Great Organization are those who have standard brand, and those who have standard brand are men and women who are consistent in their dealings. The best of brands have standard! Standard are expected level of quality or performance below which is unacceptable. ~ FD For us to be recognized as someone with standard, we must be able to define an unacceptable level of quality or performance and we must also have an acceptable level of quality or performance. This validates our cognisance as one with a standard. The lower your standard, the less effort peopl...
Read more

The LPI kicks off tomorrow, New Year Day

By -
Image
I had a post on the Love and Positivity Initiative – LPI, last week. I mentioned that I will talk about how one can be a part of this initiative, without contacting me. Like the post last week explained, the LPI is all about creating Positivity Leaders and Positivity Leadership among people. I believe that You can LEAD those who are close to you towards the path of Positivity. You don't have to be a Big or Titled Leader. Everyone is a Leader in Life. Everyone Leads at something! You may have not recognized it, but You are a Leader! That friend of yours, or neighbour of yours who looks up to you, or listens to whatever you say, comes around you frequently, enjoys your company, listens and obeys your advice/opinions, tries to imitate your actions and behaviour towards things or other people... You are Leading them!! You can do better by being a Positive Leader! You can affect those lives close to you positively. You don't need to change everyone or everything in the world to c...
Read more

The fears we do not face becomes our limits

By -
Image
If you allow fear, it will cripple you, immobilize you, destabilize you, ridicule you, reduce you, limit you and render you useless. That's the power of fear. I attended a Youth night vigil a while back organized at a Zonal level. I pleaded with the Zonal Youth President to give me an opportunity to give a presentation and he obliged me. I picked a topic on communication with special focus on how to apologize. I personally don't like to do presentations with any materials or reminder aids, I just prepare, show up and present, I PERSONALLY believe that there's no need for one to step out before an audience with a pen and paper except you're gonna be giving a very lengthy talk or a very complex one and that presenting without any paper before you, gives your presentation a kind of professional touch. So I did a quick perusal of the jottings I had done on the subject, and when it was time to present, I stepped up and started presenting. All was going well, till I had men...
Read more

Success Story: How I went from a CGPA of 2.29 to 4.00 within a Semester

By -
Image
This is a Success Story shared by Olusola O'sola Fapohunda, a graduate of the Federal University of Technology, Akure. ----- In early 2010, I went with about four other guys in my department - to visit our level registration officer. We wanted to check our result. Each one of us, was with a paper and a pen. The lecturer in charge asked for our matriculation numbers and one after the other, he was reeling off grades, GPA and CGPA. He eventually got to me and I heard a digit that sounded like I've been shot. God! Me! 2.29. I've earned myself Grade E in some three unit courses and my best course was APH301, which I had a B with a score of 69. About six months later, I went to check my 300 level second semester result and I now had a CGPA of 4.00. That was the happiest day of my University education. I was rolling on the floor of the room. The previous semester has been hell, yet the one that followed it yielded this awesome result! What did I do? What did I change? What s...
Read more