Relationship Series (Part 1)

Our present society is a mixture of different persons of different family values. That's one of the major reasons why people have different understanding of an issue or situation. One from a family with high personal and moral values may not agree with the other who has his or her own values, and who feels they are justified and right. You see situations where people can't relate because of their parallel opinions and beliefs which are antagonist to each other. You see situations where people "mind their business" because they feel that the actions and activities of other persons, has no significant effect on them. One thing I've learnt about life is that everyone, has an effect, positive or negative, on the entire system. It's like a chain reaction. And the only way to ensure there's a general positive effect is by everyone who knows what's right, do what's right and help promote such positive vibes in the little way they can. I can be of help to someone, it may be an insignificant contribution (so you may think), but I may not know that such contribution was significant to either that person or someone else watching, who is in a position to be a much more significant contributor to some other person(s). I just built a positive chain reaction.

That was just some intro (smiles). In the Introductory part, I promised to center on the family, how it contributes to failed relationships. There are a lot of points to write about, I will just write on some. I may not have all the points, but you're much welcomed to share your contributions. If you have issues you'll want to share, seek opinions of positive minds, send us a message through the facebook page (@plusliferelationship) or my e-mail (see my profile at the bottom of the home page).

I have my opinion regarding bringing up a child. Some of you may share same opinion with me. I don't believe in beating a child or having to beat a child as a part of child upbringing. You may argue that some children are stubborn and one have no other choice than to use the rod. I would argue with you by first asking you this question: How do you see your child as a parent? Just a child, or an equal?

In a relationship, one continually seeks to understand his or her partner and when one's partner puts up unusual behavior, one tries to understand why and try to restore the right, normal communication. A parent should have such a relationship with a child. As a parent, see your child as a 'friend'. Right from their birth, build communication with your child. Start training your child's mind. As friends, one listens to the advice and opinion of the other, train your child to listen to you and let your child see you as a friend, not just as a parent. Build openness, by first having an open mind, and listening to the opinions of your child. Your voice should be one that speaks as a guide for the child, and not one the child fears. Sometimes you don't have to tell your child what to do, sometimes you just need to ask him or her what he or she thinks is the proper thing to do or the proper way to handle an issue on ground. Let the child have a voice, and you may be surprised that your child had better ideas or gave you a better perspective that you missed and was critical to that situation.

So, I'm saying one should see his child as an equal, not just as a child. You're a parent and you're meant to guide the child. Don't impose rules without trying to explain your reasons to the child. Sometimes you don't need to impose the rules, you just explain the reason. At the same time, try to know what the child thinks about your reason. Be flexible. Parents are not always right! Majority of parents who feel they're always right end up being wrong most of the time, and that's bad for your child. It could have a future effect on him or her later. In addition to this, parents should mind the type of words they use in communicating with their kids. Use positive words. Words have great impact. One can motivate and bring out the best in someone else with just few words and another can kill someone else's dreams with few discouraging words.

Now, how does this relate to failed relationships? If you take a study, you'll find out that most teenagers or youths with failed or turbulent relationships have this deficiency of 'not being friends with their parents'. Some of them grew up in fear of their parents like one is in fear of something bad. What happens when you fear someone who should be your friend? You keep secrets from the person. You have issues you want to share, things you need to learn and know, but you keep it from those who should teach you and guide you because you fear their response. You rather seek for answers from your peers who may not or will not always have the right answers for you. And when you grow up with the wrong opinions, it becomes your belief, blends with your character and gets complemented by your actions. Then, it becomes a bigger challenge to get right and change the negative mindset.

Are you a parent? I'm sure you've gained something. You're not yet a parent? Nice! You can be a better you and a better parent!

I'll catch you guys later, we'll relate again in the next part..

Stay Positive!!

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