Happily Ever After
John: "I feel like I no longer know her, I don't know how it all happened, but it seems we just grew apart. Honestly, I feel like I am living with a stranger in my house, I don't know how we got here"
Jane: "Each time he touches me, I don't feel anything. It's like I don't know him anymore. I look at the man lying next to me in bed and I feel like I am looking at a complete stranger. It never used to be like this you know. I don't really know how we got here"
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You marry a Person, the love is hot, intimacy on point, everything about your marriage is mind blowing, but suddenly, you wake up one day, and it's like while you slept, you grew apart, overnight, but this isn't true, growing apart just as it's called is a gradual process. That's why it's called, "GROWING apart".
So let's take a look today at reasons why couples over time grow apart, how best friends become complete strangers, and how Love becomes none...
• Doing less together:
In life, proximity drives Intimacy more. You tend to fall in love more with a person you see everyday than the person you see once in a year.
When I was an undergraduate, I had friends who I am not very much in touch with today. We saw everyday, did assignments together, attended lectures together, and all that. When I graduated, because we had less to do together, and also due to distance, there are some I may see today and not be able to tell much about their lives, and what is going on with them, just as they too may not be able to do same for me.
As a rule, the more you do together, the more you feel together, and the more together you are..
You married this person; initially it may be easy to do things together, go out, cook together, pray together, think together, but truth is with time, your togetherness will be challenged - work, busy schedules, kids, friends, appointments.. You have to have proposed in advance to be intentional, to intentionally create time for each other. For instance, a couple should have a day in a month that is their date night, just the two of you, kids stay with a tested and trusted neighbor or relative, or with a babysitter. Just the two of you, no phones, no distractions, quality time for your spouse, give them your full attention, let them have all of you, talk, gist, laugh.
Have rules that give you time for each other. Talk about your day before bed, maybe not everyday, as often as possible. Do activities together, this gives you together time which you may otherwise not have due to unavoidable schedules. Cook together, pray together, study the Bible together, read a book together, take a course together..
As you do more things together, you grow together, you feel together, intimacy is maintained, friendship and the closeness, it's all kept intact as well as prevented from diminishing..
What do you expect when as a couple, You:
– Sleep in different bedrooms, and in different beds..
Different rooms is even understandable, but different beds? Really? Why? What are you planning laidat self?
She smelling? Treatable
Does he snore? Still treatable. So that's not an excuse.
– Pray and Study the Bible differently.
Yes I know, Salvation is a personal race, no problem. Your marriage will soon be a personal race too.
Of course you will pray on your own, she will study on her own, but what about cooperate prayer. From the Scripture, we get to know that there's immense power in the prayer of a couple.. pray and play together, stay together.
– Watch TV differently.
He loves Nat Geo wild, she loves Zee world. To avoid problem you buy an extra TV, problem solved right? So you think..
– Attend different Churches...
You cannot leave your church, he cannot leave his church, so it's to be attending different churches, it's okay sha, happy married life..
– Do money issues differently..
Separate accounts, separate expenditures, separate records, hidden and undeclared assets everywhere, MY MONEY, HIS MONEY, HER MONEY,.. And you people are? Remind me again? One, you are one right, you got to be kidding me. You don't trust them with your money (even when they are actually trust worthy), but you trust them with your body... Now I'm confused..
– Don't eat together
The Excuse? He leaves by 6 am, she leaves by 7am, he comes back early from work, she comes back late. So nothing can be done about this? You can't remember when last you and your spouse ate together? Can't you see that the devil that wants to make you and your spouse into strangers is doing morning and evening shifts? You better wake up and be intentional about you marriage and relationship and not situational.
Happen to things. Don't just wait for things to happen to You.
• Have and engage in separate hobbies consistently:
Definitely you guys will have different hobbies, but to ignore the effect this could have on your marriage and relationship is to take a risk guaranteed to not go your way in the end.
Husband like sports; young lady, hear me, you better go and like sports. Anyhow you want to do it, so that when he is talking Messi, you will not be talking Mercy. When he says Ronaldo, you won't be asking if that is the name of a senator in Nigeria.
It may not come naturally, but make efforts to be interested in your spouse's hobby, so that when he needs a person to talk sports with, he won't have to go outside.
If she likes fashion, ejor. My Oga, like fashion too. The other day I followed a friend to make her hair, let me not mention her name before another one will start on my head here. So that day, I learnt about colour. Apparently they have Colours coded as numbers for different weavon types, like there's color #12, #6; I know some hairstyles too. There's Ghana weaving, I know full fringe and half fringe, and what have you. It's not that I want to be a hairstylist oh, it's because I want to marry a woman, what to do na?
It's foolishness to not pick any interest in Your Spouse's hobby.
If they like cooking, try and know a little about cooking, you will be amazed how much good that does your marriage.
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