Do not marry a Robot
Everyone is Unique. We all have our different opinions, visions, ideas. And even when we get married, and two become one, this still remains so.
Being in a relationship with another person and succeeding in it entails having a listening ear and heart. Hearing is not enough, we must truly listen.
However just listening is still not enough. This post is about striking a balance, between listening to your spouse's opinion, having your own opinions heard and doing the right thing.
You should -
• Listen to your spouse.
Men make this mistake more, thinking that a lady's place is to rear babies, and not to talk. How naive. I once heard a man say: "what can a lady know?"
Even the ladies fail in this regard too. It is important you have a heart that listens. No one is an island or a custodian of knowledge. Many homes have been saved by the advice of the supposedly 'ignorant' spouse. Abigail saved her husband's life from David by her wisdom in 1 Samuel 25.
We all have different opinions. Matured people respect the opinions of others, man or lady alike.
A popular quote goes thus "He who will not listen will soon find himself surrounded by people who will not talk" and that's dangerous.
Take his advice, ask for her input, nobody I repeat, nobody likes to be ignored or taken for granted.
• Have your own mind too.
When we say listen to your spouse, we are not saying do everything they tell you robot style. If only Abraham knew this, we wouldn't have Ishmael today. He listened and over listened, and he hearkened to Sarah. Later, Sarah still accused him, so if we say listen to your spouse, if they ask you to stick your hand into a burning gas flame, will you? Exactly, and this is where the balancing lies. Same goes for Adam, he listened to Eve and despised God's direct directive, see where that got us.
A man once asked his wife to not go ahead with a particular thing she wanted to do, she knew inside her that it will be to their benefit, and she went ahead, when the deal broke out, and the profit came rushing in, hear what the man said to his wife, "honey, I'm glad you didn't listen to me".
So there is a balance. As a man or woman, listen to your spouse, know when to take their counsel, and know when to stick to your guts and stand your ground albeit in wisdom and humility, after carefully weighing the pros and the cons.
Sometimes we give advice out of fear, or genuine concern, so it's left for you to decide to allow your partner's fear, or concern for your safety, cause you to hold back from doing what you know is right, or cause you to do what you know is wrong.
If your husband tells you to wait for him at a particular spot and suddenly you see a wild dog running towards you, will you say my husband said I should stay here, so you won't run?
If your wife says "don't spend money on me, use the money to buy things for mama instead", will you now just zombily refuse to buy her anything? No. Because even when you do buy her something at least, you know she will appreciate it in her heart. Even if she says "Sweetheart, you didn't have to", in her heart of hearts, she is glad you did.. And she will love you for that.
If you go ahead and don't buy her anything because she told you not to, in her mind she will be like "so if I ask him to put hand inside fire, he will, can't he use his head?"
• Marry someone that will listen to you.
A person who has shown capacity for humility, who is interested in your opinions. Don't marry a person who is in themselves, the Judge, Jury and Executioner.
A proud person hardly ever listens, don't marry such. There are some people who only do things if nobody has mentioned it to them, but once you advise them to do it, they don't, because they despise being advised or being "told what to do". Imagine somebody who has an attitude of "I hate being told what to do".
• Don't marry a Robot, Someone without their opinion(s).
Hear me well. As a man, don't marry a lady that cannot disagree with you, don't!
Anything you say, she will do. Remember the movie, Coming to America, where Prince Akeem asked his bride about her hobbies, and she said "your hobbies are my hobbies". He asked, "what do you like?". "I like what you like my prince" came the robotic reply. He asked her to bark like a Dog, and she did. And funny enough, many men want that kind of spouse. Even some ladies want a Husband they will control like their Android Phones.
Such a spouse can not improve your life, and make you better. How will they contribute to your life if they agree with everything you say? You say let's go right, he says, "no problem my love". You say I made a mistake, let's go left, he says "I agree too". Is that one not a robot You married so?
Don't marry a person who doesn't respect their own opinions, ideas, wisdom, enough to let it out. What if their opinions or ideas could save your life, your business? Two are better than one only because two see things differently and as such, see things from a wider angle, from all perspectives - emotional and logical. If your spouse ALWAYS listen to you, don't think that's a perfect arrangement, that means you don't have anyone watching your back oh. No counsellor, and the Bible says that in the multitude of counsellors, there is safety.
You may be happy now that he or she listens to you always, but when it will backfire, same you will be the one to say "must you listen to everything I tell you, is it everything I say you do?" Trust me on this.
It may be romantic to have a husband or a wife who obeys your every command and whims, but one day when this backfires, you will tell him "are you not a man, can't you think for yourself"... The irony of life...
Listening to your spouse is a bomb that can level many a crisis, but listening with understanding is the bomb..
• Be a Person and marry a Person who Forgives and Forgets easily.
So, if your Spouse follows their intuition against your advice and it backfires, and you loose money or other resources in the process, do you nag them to death?, remind them every second of how you warned them?. No. Don't! They followed their guts, it didn't pan out well, let it go, forgive them. Of course, they will most likely apologize or something, let the matter go, you told him not to do MMM, he now went and did, and one million naira borrow leg, what do you do? Kill him? Remind him, morning, afternoon, evening, about how he does not listen to you? No! That will only end up pushing them away from you, making them depressed. They will avoid you, resent you, because you remind them too much of their failures. If your spouse makes a bad call, be matured about handling it, they are already hurting as it is. When a mature person fails, no body feels bad more than the person. Don't compound their feelings, their next attempt may be better, be tolerant, supporting, flexible, forgiving. BE MATURE.
In the same vain, marry someone that forgives easily if you don't want to have high blood pressure.
In summary,
Listen to your Spouse.
Listen to Yourself.
Respect their Opinions.
Respect Yours.
Forgive, Forget and Move On.
Act in Wisdom always and let God lead you.
Selah
MarryWell!
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