Calling a spade by its name!

"Lady kills her ex for leaving her for another lady",.. "Man pours acid on his ex for daring to leave him after seeing her through the University",..

Everyday we come across such disheartening headlines on the dailies and on the internet. As we all agree, a relationship must not end in marriage. Anything can happen and each party should be prepared to go their separate ways. Nobody wants to feel forced into marriage, do you? Certainly No. Nobody wants to be guilt trapped, have their lives threatened or have to look behind their backs when they walk through a lonely street just because they ended a relationship they just couldn't continue with, nobody!

It's a terrible place to find yourself. So, a girl sends assassins after her ex, a day before his wedding, kidnaps him and days later, his corpse is found. She should be sentenced to death by hanging, electrocution, or firing squad; everyone calls for her head. It isn't really the guys fault, they say. Or is it by force to marry?

Well, let's take a break for a moment, let's reassess the situation. What if I told you that it was the guy's fault? What if I say it was simply karma and even if the girl didn't kill him, he really wouldn't have met a great end?

Gabriella meets Gabriel in her 100 level; "I love you, I want to marry you", he reveals. She is happy. A relationship starts. Gabriel asks for sex, she refuses. He insists, she gives in. After all, he promised marriage. He hates condoms, he prefers skin to skin.  Not too long afterwards, Gabriella gets pregnant, but Gabriel isn't ready for fatherhood. "You have to go for an abortion", he says. She concedes to it, and at a great risk to her life, gets it done. Soon, Gabriel is back demanding for sex, but he still hates condoms. She takes in again. Abortion to the rescue once more.

By the time Gabriella is done with university education, she has committed about seven abortions for Gabriel.

Unexpectedly, on a very cool day, sense falls on Gabriel and he suddenly realizes that they are not compatible. He has seen a better, more homely lady, he wants to get married to.

Gabriella hears of the wedding, which has been fixed; Gabriel goes missing, never to be found... Marriage isn't by force right? She should have counted her losses, right? That's what I would have advised her to do too, but will she be able to comply? Not all people handle rejection maturely.

Samuel is in a relationship with Samuella. He promises marriage. Samuella was 24 when it all started. 10 years later, Samuel still hasn't proposed, now she is 34. Samuel calls her one cool day, and says: "Samuella, I know this will hurt you, but I can't go on with this anymore. I just realized that I am not the man for you. Please, forgive me, I can't continue".... 

Brother, 10 years isn't 10 months! She has turned down many men on his behalf. She has changed her life in ways she isn't proud of, done things she would rather not admit to having done just to please him, the relationship was also sexual, after all the pressing Samuel has pressed her body up and down, day and night, winter and summer; her body is no longer the same, she should count her losses right?

Of course she should, I would advice her to, as well. If she came to me, murder is a crime, no matter the provocation, but will she be able to really take it lying low? A relationship isn't a crime, going into one isn't a sin. It shouldn't end in anyone's death. But remember, a cornered goat is a dangerous goat. When people have nothing to lose, they are at their most dangerous, hence this post. So here we go:

• Never make demands that will put you in a tight corner later on when you want out. No one wants to be used, and then dumped. Don't taste if you don't want to pay. Not all girls will let you go free or alive once you have slept with them, talk more about having an abortion for you. Even the forces of nature will be against you. Why should you even sleep with her in the first place? Have you paid her bride price?

You made him sponsor you through school, after which you now realize he is a driver. You can't marry an ordinary driver, you want to marry the best graduating student of your set. Not everyone has the ability to take disappointments.

• Never give into demands that will make you feel used later on, if the other party wants out.. Buy her a phone if you want, but do so because you want to, not because you want to trap her or put her in a tight corner. Do nothing to trap, give because you love, and be willing to forgo; before you become a murderer..

Don't give in to any of his demands if you know you won't be able to let him go free if he wants out tomorrow. Don't give him your all, he isn't your husband yet. A sensible man won't ask for your all. 

If you want to sponsor her through school, do so on humanitarian grounds. If she later falls in love with you, so be it. But to use sponsoring her as a bait to get her to marry you, that isn't wisdom at all! Before you will be singing in police net "it was the devil, I don't know what came over me", run from trouble before it happens!

• Don't keep a Lady or a Guy waiting for you. And if and when you do, be sure you are really sure he/she is the one. How can you after seven years of relationship now say I am still praying, prayer warrior; Don't push someone to do something everyone will regret. As a man, be wise the way you spit out "I will marry you" to ladies, before "bone go hook you for neck" - the type you can't vomit nor swallow.

PS:

* Some people are free donors, I know. There are relationships that are purely based on friends with benefits. If both of you are on the same page and don't mind taking and giving with reckless abandon, who am I to say otherwise, it is up to you, your God and your conscience.

* Some people will still do nonsense, even if you don't take anything from them. Psychopaths are real, not all mad men walk the streets. Be careful in selecting a spouse. Apply wisdom. Let wise counsel and God's Word guide you.

Credit: Musa Gift (MG)