Discuss! Talk about Everything!!

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"Each time we are through having sex, I take some concoctions to flush my system and my Husband isn't aware. He wants kids, I don't."

Chanced upon a woman some years back, we got talking and she hinted me on the fact that she didn't want to have any kids in the mean time. I replied her that it's not a problem since her husband was privy and had made that arrangement along with her. To my shock she said her husband wasn't aware and that he was actually expecting her to get pregnant soon, as they were having sex without any form of protection. She went ahead to tell me that she flushes her system with some funny concoctions which I can't remember now (whenever she had sex), I think it was the popular Fayrouz drink and some other random stuffs. She was told it would prevent the husband's sperm from fulfilling its mission. Now isn't that sinister? The poor man was probably hoping to hear her say she had missed her period and all that..
I asked her, what if he finds out, do you expect him to be happy, shake your hand, and give you a medal? Won't that discovery break him down or breakdown your marriage? I asked if they did court before getting married. Sure, they did. I wanted to know why they both didn't discuss and reach an agreement about this, but she couldn't answer that.. That's how we court disaster by ourselves.

It is advised to have at least a minimum of one year courtship, with two years being the most favored choice. 365 days of courtship (or most likely), and two matured adults never got to discuss having babies and when..

Beyond having fun, you know, going to the beach and cinemas and all that; gazing into each other's eyes and declaring all the love in the world for each other; visiting family members, praying together and doing stuffs together. Beyond all that, courtship is a time to discuss: "Me, I don't like sleeping with the light", "Bros, don't be angry, but I won't be pounding yam for you oh",... Discuss, tell someone by your side. DISCUSS! So what do we discuss?

• YOUR FAITH: Which church to attend, joint church or different Churches, offering and tithing, healing, having a family altar or none,.. Discuss about your beliefs especially if from different Christian backgrounds.

• YOUR FINANCES: Joint account, separate accounts, emergency funds, who is in charge of payments, bills, plan future projects, dream house, how to finance family project, investments, debts, limit to debts, etcetera. In Summary, discuss anything money related you can remember.

• SEX : I had been recently reading about sex in marriage life for a while now; a research sort of; and from the information I got and the information that is readily available from the pulpit, there is a lot of grey areas left blank that has lead to a good number of unhappy Christian homes. You hear issues ranging from frequency of sex, to time it should happen, etcetera. A particular lady wouldn't allow her husband have sex with her in the morning or afternoon as she was told sex should only happen in the evening/night. Intending Partners should discuss! One would be amazed to discover the funny myths about sex out there, where is sex to done, various kinds of sexual practices (oral sex, anal sex, what have you). Discuss using your faith, the scriptures, and wise counsel from seasoned marriage Counsellors and Books. I would recommend the book MODEL MARRIAGE written by Dag Heward Mills. It covers marriage and sex in the Christian home realistically and scripturally. When discussing this issue, one have to consider his/her partner's preferences and inhibitions; consider your partners needs over yours, don't demand or force on them what they are not willing to offer. Romans 12:10 says "Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another".
We must also be flexible, and avoid being rigid. We must be willing to learn as long as we have not trespassed any of God's command. Sex is meant to be enjoyed so don't make it out to be a necessary evil or a boring act that it is not meant to be.
Where he/she is not willing or comfortable with a particular issue regarding sex, don't force her/him, better still, go separate ways if you can't seem to agree about this.
Amos 3:3 says: "Can two work together except they agree?". Discuss sex and it's various variations and forms, and do so with wisdom, before you find yourself experimenting...

• FAMILY LIFE: How many kids?, family planning, when to start having babies, where to live, buy a new house?, Raising the kids, method of discipline for the kids, spanking or no spankings of the kids,.. Discuss! how do we raise the kids?, do the boys cook?, what kind of adults do we want to raise our kids to be?, do we get house helps or never?. How do you want to run your family? Discuss household roles and chores before marriage, especially sharing of responsibilities before the arrival of the kids. Who does what?
It may be funny, but household chores have broken several homes. Who cooks?, does he believe in men in the kitchen?, Is he traditional in his thinking, or is he more open?, Do your expectations meet his?..

• IN-LAWS: How to handle the in-laws, will it be okay for the in-laws to live under same roof with them sometimes?, limit to financial help and other assistance to be rendered to in-laws, how each partner expects the other to treat the mom and dad and vice versa. Intending partners should share knowledge about each other's relatives, those to trust, those to avoid, the dubious ones, and the honest ones. This is important and can save some future troubles.

• ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING: Discussion with your loved one ought to be fun, so why not discuss. Too much of it never killed a relationship, but too little of it, has and will! Remember False Consensus Effect. Don't assume or infer you are on the same page, before tomorrow you will be headed down to the counsellor's office for settlement or consulting a divorce attorney for irreconcilable differences as is often cited, or worse.

Discuss with honesty, be willing to compromise, be willing to listen and understand your Partner, don't impose your needs or ideas, you are a Team after all! He that fails to plan has planned to Fail!!
Discuss!!!

Credit: Musa Gift (MG)
Welcome to the Blog. I love Positivity. I love sharing Positivity. I encourage You to always be Positive. Positivity pays. It's what we all need to achieve both personal and cooperate Success and Fulfillment. Develop a Positive Mindset. Build Positive Relationships. Have an open mind to Learn and Improve. Always seek to grow and be the best available Version of Yourself. Always Believe that You CAN!

Comments

  1. Damilola Ayomide29 June 2017 at 07:46

    I like this post a lot.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Damilola Ayomide29 June 2017 at 07:47

    I like this post a lot.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Daniel Adulphus29 June 2017 at 09:49

    Yeah, it's a cool one. Talking about everything and planning saves one from a lot of issues later on

    ReplyDelete

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