The False Consensus Effect?
There is a phenomenon in Psychology known as FALSE CONSENSUS EFFECT. This effect refers to the tendency to overestimate the extent to which others share our opinions, attributes, emotions, feelings and behaviors. Simply put, it means one thinking or assuming that others feel or think same way as they do.
Why am I bringing this up today, or at all?
A lot of times we fall prey to this effect. We misjudge and assume certain things to our very detriment and hurt... Husband assumes the reason he wants something is the same reason his wife does; the wife assumes her husband feels the same way she does about sex or kids or family life.
A lady likes a brother in church, she starts visiting him, brother is nice to her, brother treats her well, False Consensus Effect happens, and she assumes he feels same way, she overestimates his feelings to be as large or deep as hers. Later, Brother invites her to his wedding, Sister is heartbroken. "I thought we had something going, I thought you loved me", she says. She feels betrayed. But how does one break a heart he never asked for?
A young man likes a lady, so he gets her a gift, the lady is happy, she sees him as the elder brother she never had, she decides to be nice and buys him a gift too, because he got her gifts (he was with a motive of romantic love) he assumes her own gift to him is based on the same feeling. He then sets up himself for a fatal heart break, months later when she introduces him to her fiancé. How could he have known? How couldn't he? Here's how he could have known:
• Always bear in mind that a member of the opposite sex can show interest in your physical, social, spiritual, financial welfare, without necessarily feeling the way you feel. You may feel in love and want a relationship with them while they are just trying to be nice. Also, you may just be trying to be nice, while they are actually in love with you and want a relationship with you. So, don't judge others based only on your own motives or feelings. Everyone can only speak for themselves when it comes to feelings.
People can pursue same objective as you, yet with very dissimilar motives. Never judge motives based on actions. It's a weird world.
• Don't rely on assumptions when you can be sure. Ask her what she wants from you. All the coolers, cooking meals for you and you're eating; she may be waiting for you to propose, or she may not, only way to find out for sure is to ask her.
The man is spending all his cash, time, and attention on you, don't assume he is being nice, don't just assume he feels sisterly love for you the way you feel brotherly love for him, ask him, for his sake, for your sake, for everybody's sake, he may just be doing all those things out of a nice heart, he just sees his mother in you, and there you are thinking you have landed a 100 yards husband material. You will be busy, turning down proposals, thinking he will soon propose. You aren't getting any older. False Consensus Effect in action. That was how two sisters were fighting over a brother who was new in Church, because he had been nice to both of them, thus leading them to assume he had interest in them, not knowing brother was happily married.
Talk, don't just invent things in your head. Be it number of kids, how you feel towards sex, how you feel about money. Never think your spouse feels the way you feel without bothering to find out for sure. A lot of marriages are in peril today because of this. How a man just assumes a relationship in his head beats me. And how a lady just saves a brother's number as "my husband" without any proposal of any kind, is that one a sensible thing to do? Yet a lot of singles do it. Don't!
Everyday we see heart breaks everywhere; he broke my heart, she ate my money, he just left me, when there was never a relationship in the first place!
Are you in an Imagined relationship? Have you reached a False Consensus? ..... Psychology 101
Comments
Post a Comment