Finishing 2018 Stronger (by TASpeaks)

I am a member of "The Let's Talk About Series" community. I'll be sharing notes from one of the sessions we had last year December, over a month ago. The session was on Finishing 2018 Stronger, by Tobi Afolabi (TA Speaks), the pioneer of the Let's Talk About Series.

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Tobi Afolabi (taspeaks) speaking:

Today, we will be discussing: finishing 2018 stronger.

Looking at such topic, I am sure a number of us have so many thoughts going through our minds.

2017 has been a fantastic year for me. I hope it has been for you too. I've had lots of successes, challenges, failures (lessons learnt)...  I'm so eager and anticipating what 2018 holds for me, like I am guessing you feel same way.

We honestly can't talk about finish 2018 stronger and more fulfilled than this year without looking first at how we have fared this year. What goals were we able to accomplish? What challenges did we encounter? What do we wish we could have done differently? Significance of new relationships formed and so on..

Understanding all of these will help us fully understand what we each need to do to make 2018 an even more glorious one.

Please before we go on, I will like to plead with us to break this session into two parts, with the concluding part tomorrow (the next day) for 6-8 pm. I realised there is a lot to cover which we can't do within 2 hours.

The key areas of Focus for this session therefore are:

• A review of five (5) key factors which have enhanced or hindered your Success in 2017

• Identifying and overcoming Limiting Beliefs which have hindered goal accomplishments

• Setting SMART goals (tomorrow)

• Success Strategy (tomorrow)

To maximize this session, I will encourage us to get a pen and paper, as this session is going to be highly practical and reflective.

I am here to facilitate a process of helping you finish 2018 stronger. I can't do that for you. I can only guide you through the process of getting. The ball is in your court.

In addition, since I do not know what goals you set for this year, your successes, challenges, and failures; I will offer myself as a specimen to be used to drive this process tonight since I know mine.

By using myself as a specimen or case study tonight, I am inviting you to relate all I will be sharing to your personal life and take necessary action where needed.

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At this time of the year last year, many of us were so enthusiastic about 2017. So many resolutions, goals, promises, hopes... Come January, we were all fired up. The momentum continued into February, March, April. For some, we lost motivation and focus by May while a few may have kept it till August; some September, and a handful kept the focus till date.

Whichever category you belong, my mission tonight is to prepare you and myself inclusive for high impact and fulfilling 2018 and years after. What I will be sharing in the course of our discussion tonight is not limited to 2018; in fact, it will help us stay on track, hitting our life goals like no man's business.

Before talking about 2018, let's review 2017 together.

Your Success or failure in 2017 is hinged on a number of factors. These factors are basically five. Remember, I will be your specimen tonight. As I discuss how these five factors have influenced my 2017, I encourage you to reflect on yours as well as we progress and make notes for easy and effective evaluation.

These five factors include your:

* Environment
* Behaviour
* Capability
* Beliefs & Values
* Identity

Let's look at them one after the other.

Looking at your environment in 2017, I am making reference to – where you live and the people you have around you – The kind of place we stay or the people we often have around us limit or enhance our progress in life.

Case Study:

Late last year I graduated from the University. At that time, I was between deciding if I should go back home at Ikorodu or stay with my brother at Yaba. I, of course, knew the kind of people I was going to be interacting with in the particular places I stay in those locations. I knew my career goals and the kind of exposure I needed, coupled with the kind of people I needed to interact with. So, I decided to stay at Yaba. I am glad I did, because the kind of people I constantly came in contact with, always inspired progress in my life and supported my goals in every way.

There is a saying by Jim Rohn that: "we are the average of the five people we spend most time with".

Where do we find ourselves living or who do we find ourselves around? Guess what! They  have significantly influenced your success in 2017.

Now, I have to quickly say this, because I know someone is probably judging me, saying "who is he to condemn where I live!"

Please, I am not condemning where you live, if it happens to be a negatively influencing one, all I am doing is to bring to our consciousness the threat they pose to our Success in life. I understand all fingers are not equal and all bellies come in different sizes. But, if you find yourself in a negatively influencing environment and you do not have the resources to change your physical environment, here is an approach I have adopted in the past and I have shared with people to help them change their outcomes.

Make a conscious decision to leave your house early in the morning for a place or an environment that inspires and supports the accomplishment of your life goals. When you are done for the day go back home, rest, do a few things, sleep; repeat the process over till you are able to finally leave that location. This scenario applies to even those staying in hostels. I did this a number of times as an undergraduate. My roommates in my 200 level only saw me in the morning when I am leaving and late at night when it is almost bedtime.

Dearest family, now I want you to put your pen to paper in the next two to three minutes and reflect on your environment in 2017 (remember it is your place of residence and your association).

1. Identify what factors in your environment has worked well for you and what hasn't.

2. Write out what you must keep and what you must do away with to finish 2018 stronger.

3. List what action step you will be taking to help you successfully rid yourself of what you must do away.

(I did say it's going to be a practical session)

Please, it is important you carry out the exercises as we progress. Don't just reflect and feel excited. WRITE IT DOWN.

The next thing we will look at is: your behaviour in 2017.

May I say at this juncture, that your environment has affected your behaviour in 2017. The place you stay and the people you have spent quality time with, influenced how you have behaved in 2017.

Case study:

If I were to ask you what qualities these individuals: Dangote, Zuckerberg, Brandson, and Ellon Musk have in common individually and collectively... You know what, why not tell me what qualities you think they have in common?

Looking at the feedback, we can place the qualities in one of the following appropriate category:

Money
Knowledge
Attitude
Skill/Talent

The traits identified from these personalities are more of attitudes they have exhibited year in, year out and shows that our behaviour governs a large part of our life successes.

I want you to put your pen to paper again and reflect on your behaviour in 2017.

1. Identify what behaviour worked well for you this year. Were you focused, disciplined, creative, approachable, outgoing..?

2. Write out what behaviour(s) hindered you from achieving certain goals this year.

3. List what  behaviour(s) must replace those unproductive ones.

Having looked at the role our environment and our behaviour has played in our outcomes this year, the next factor we will be exploring is: your Capability.

For many of us, at the start of the year, we had set goals to do a number of things ranging from hosting conferences, to starting a new business, applying for a job, interning... An overwhelming majority may not have been able to meet those goals because we basically lacked the capability to achieve them.

Case Study:

At the start of this year I had set goals to start my fast food business, start an online video series, start up a consulting firm. Guess what! I didn't achieve any. A few months into the year, I realized there was a skill gap. I needed to go for advanced training to improve my culinary skills and get a little insight into how the food market was. I also realized for me to start an online video series, I needed to know how to edit videos (I didn't have the resources for someone to do it). I also realized that to start-up my consulting firm, I needed to up my skill by taking a few professional courses like project management and life coaching certification course.

From the above, it is obvious that the goal was unrealistic for me because of the skill gap. What did I do instead? I built capacity in the above areas identified: I enrolled for a cookery class and registered the business, learnt video editing, became a certified Project manager and a certified life and career goal.

A number of us may not have been able to achieve certain goals this year, because of a skill gap. It is important to note that the goal never changes, what we need to do is build capacity in those areas and carry the goals over to the new year.

We will discuss in more detail much later in the session.

Let's put pen to paper again and reflect on your capability in 2017.

1. Identify what you planned to do this year but couldn't due to a skill gap.

2. Write out what those skill gaps are specifically (mine was I couldn't edit videos, I couldn't make a number of dishes, I didn't understand the best practice for my profession...)

3. List what you need to do in particular for you to build your skill set and bridge the skill gap.

It is important we identify the skills we need to have to move from where we are to where we desire to be.

The next factor to be considered in the series, like I have identified through practice as a life coach is a very vital factor which is responsible for why many of us didn't go on to accomplish our goals this year. I urge you to pay close attention to this part. If you don't take anything else away from this session tonight. Please take this away.

The factor we are exploring next is our belief and values.

All that we have been able to accomplish and those we haven't all our lives, are as a result of our beliefs and values as individuals.

Our beliefs are basically what convincingly hold to be true about ourselves and the world while our values are those principles or virtues which drive us as individuals.

Beliefs form the invisible foundation of people's life and the greatest limitation to our Success are the perceived limitations we place on ourselves which of course, are still beliefs.

What we hold to be true as humans are as a result of certain experiences we've had growing up. Our experiences and exposure has conditioned the way we perceive ourselves, other people and life in general and they have conditioned our attitude towards our life goals.

I will give us a few examples of how my experience has shaped my belief system (what I hold to be true) and how it has in turn affected the achievement of certain goals.

Before I proceed, I think it is important to note that beliefs are formed unconscious to us and that is why we don't even know they are a fundamental reason why we don't go on to achieve many goals we set. I am hopeful after sharing this with you, you become more conscious of how beliefs are formed and how they influence our Success.

At a very young age, my parents separated. When I got into secondary school, it was always a struggle deciding whether to go home or just stay in school. Going home meant either to my mum or dad's place which of course came with its varying conditions. Most times I stayed in school and gradually I began to believe going home wasn't necessary. That, of course, affected my relationship with my family. I could go a year without seeing them.

This year, I set a goal to visit my dad and mum at least twice every month, with the aim of reconnecting with them. Guess what, I started off fine but gradually the motivation died (we will talk about this much later) and NYSC took me out of Lagos. I realized that if I don't get to the root of my lack of motivation to keep to my goals, I might as well never achieve that goal. While reflecting, I realised I had often told myself that going home wasn't necessary despite the importance of the relationship. So I identified the limiting belief and replaced it with an empowering one which always reminds me of why it's important to keep family close. I am glad I am seeing significant improvements.

Another limiting belief, which experience had help me develop. Although, a few of you might have your reservations on this.

Growing up, my parents were very comfortable with their monthly pay check. They almost would never really do anything else (side hustle). They basically felt comfortable with their income. I am not saying that's bad, but there is nothing wrong with having multiple streams of income especially in this era.

Many of us today, our attitude towards money and finances to a large extent is a result of what life has taught you. So, if you still find yourself always being broke, you are struggling with a financial limiting belief which you must identify and reprogram before you really can accomplish your financial liberation goals.

For me, I realized I am often comfortable with income that when opportunities come at times, I just ignore them. So, no matter how great my financial goal, my financial limiting belief always hindered my goal accomplishment.

These is just a few out of the several kinds of limiting belief life experience hinders our progress with.

These beliefs which have hindered goal accomplishment and progress are learnt from parents, teachers, and the larger society that we grew up in. We often don't know of their existence and treat them as life's truth and unknown to us they have been a major cause of our inability to accomplish certain goals, because no matter how hard you try, your spirit man is always telling why that goal is not important. The effect – loss of motivation and non accomplishment of goals.

If you are to finish 2018 stronger, you need to pay attention to those limiting beliefs.

We often tell ourselves we aren't good enough for something. That's a limiting belief, experience has helped us to place on ourselves. Trace the origin and tell yourself convincingly how amazing an individual you are, because you are indeed amazing.

Who you believe you are here and now determines the expectations to have in your future.

If you believe all women are promiscuous, don't be surprised if you are not meeting your relationship goals.

If you believe having a lot of money is bad, well don't be surprised you are always broke (having lots of money is not bad. Money comes with solving people's problems).

If you believe you are not good enough, then don't be surprised your desired future will only continue remaining a dream and a goal that will never come to reality.

Check your beliefs in every important goal you have set and be sure you don't have one that is reverse to what you want to achieve.

Your beliefs in life go on to determine your values as a person.

Answer these fifteen questions later to uncover source beliefs that have limited you in 2017 and take steps to changing them for a stronger 2018.

The last factor for reflection tonight is your Identity.

If at this stage of your life, you are struggling for things that don't matter, you are struggling with an identity issue.

Your identity basically refers to how you see yourself.

This entails your self belief, self worth, and self esteem. The quality of your life now is a product of your identity. So, how you see yourself, what value do you place on yourself, your belief in yourself has determined your outcomes.

I could have simply said to myself, "Tobi you are not good enough to facilitate this session. Get someone more competent", but I believed in myself and my capability and I am sure lives are already being transformed.

We need to be more confident about telling people what we can do. The person holding the key to your next breakthrough may be the person sitting next to you, your colleague at work, your neighbour, your Pastor or a member of the congregation.

Ask yourselves, how many opportunities you have let go in 2017?, and resolve to be more confident in who you are and what you have great capacity to do.

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The Second Part of the Session:

The purpose of the first part of this session was to help us understand key significant factors that have either catalysed or hindered the accomplishment of our goals this year. I also did give activities for us to carry out to be able to concretely identify how they have influenced your outcomes this year, identifying what must be done to improve our outcomes in 2018.

The result of these activities will be submitted after the session (more info will be shared on this).

Your environment, behaviour, capabilities, beliefs and values, and identity has shaped your outcomes in 2017 and will still shape your outcomes in 2018.

At the foundation of all these factors are your beliefs about yourself, society and the world at large which, of course, have been influence by your experience and interaction with people.

Before you go on to set your goals, have at the back of your mind to always assess your limiting beliefs, because they are most often than not the source of most people's inability to accomplish their goals. Always use the 15 questions (I will share with you) to help you uncover limiting beliefs you have about key areas of your life, starting with yourself.

Having said all that and before we proceed with the second part of the session, if you have any questions, please, kindly ask them now to help you better understand and eventually apply all I will be sharing with you tonight.

So, today we will be looking extensively at setting goals for 2018 and your Success strategy.

So, so many of you must have heard over and over that you should set SMART goals, that is; Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time Bound... that's very true. But, tonight as much as we will be doing all that, I will do my best to also help us understand goal setting even beyond it being SMART.

Goal setting is a science as well as an art. I often try to understand why as human we fundamentally find it so hard to accomplish goals we set for ourselves.

If you've observed, between yesterday and today I have been very honest about my goal accomplishments with you. I have opened myself up to you, telling you things even those close to me in the group don't even know, this is because I understand I am also a work in progress just like everyone else and I spend quality time evaluating myself, my goals and my relationship. So, what I confidently share with you are what I like to call secrets I have uncovered through study and self reflection.

When we talk about goals, they are basically problems, obstacles, hurdles that we need to overcome to get to a desired destination in life.

Although we are all humans, we run different races, face different challenges, attain different successes; but we are all still in a race towards an envisioned end and this is for those who fully understand their life's purpose. Don't shoot me yet, but that's the truth. Fulfillment comes for a producer when he sees the product he had designed a reality; for a marathoner, when he gets to the finish line. So, what's your destination? How do you know you are closer, on the path, or at the finish line.

It is for you to define it and now identify potential threats to getting there and now putting plans and pulling resources together to get to that identified end (unfortunately time will not permit me to go into details, but I certainly will do my best to give you a roadmap).

A major reason many of us set goals and it all appears like we moving in a vicious circle is because there is no clearly articulated destination.

Case study:

Everything I do today, is geared towards helping humanity live without limits through life and career coaching, mentoring, and personal development trainings (There is a destination for me). So, how do I know I am on track, it is simply through the testimonies of lives transformed and people living their purpose.

But to get to this destination there are 12 key areas that are vital to getting to my desired end. If I don't give them attention, (they are hurdles I must surmount continually) I may never successfully get to my desired end.   

So every goal I set year in, year out shouldn't just be about now, but about my desired end and they must cover these 12 areas that are crucial for me.

What am I saying in essence? A major reason we keep setting goals and keep failing is because we are motivated by the present and not the future and when the present isn't favourable we give in and we set new goals again when we are in a better mood and fall into the same pit over and over.

There is a saying that: "a man's reach must be greater than his grasp".

We set too many short-term goals which make us less satisfied and unfulfilled, because there is no clearly defined long term goal to inspire the short term goals. I hope I am making sense?

Quickly, may I introduce four types of goals that we have to help us understand what I am saying better:

- Live Vision: Your desired end.

- Longterm goals: series of goals and activities that leads to your life vision.

- Medium term goals: Combination of short term goals.

- Short term goals: calculated tiny steps towards longterm and life vision.

Life Vision –

This is what goal setting should look like or feel like for us:

When you have a life vision, you set series of long term goals that will take you there. It can be for twenty, ten, five years depending on the individual (That's why we hear expressions like vision 2025, vision 2030...). We then go ahead to set medium term goals, which are often yearly and then set short term goals, which are monthly and daily goals.

Looking at goals set within this framework, it is only natural for the individual to stay motivated because he is working towards a life vision not the present.

What happens to many of us is that we set goals in the moment and when we don't accomplish them, we feel less satisfied and unfulfilled, but when we set goals in view of a life vision we stay motivated inspite of challenges and allow our life vision continue to inspire us to keep our eye on the goal.

So, the whole essence of us first reflecting on the factors that have influenced our goal accomplishments is not so we can set new goals for the new year; rather it is for us to restrategize areas we need to improve upon to accomplish unaccomplished goals in the new year.

For me, I have identified areas that need improvement and I am carrying over unaccomplished goals, setting new ones towards my long term goals and life vision.

The point? Get a life vision and set your long, medium, and short term goals in view of it, and these goals have to be in areas that are key to you, areas that without them you may never actualise your life vision.

With all said, are we ready to set our life goals (not 2018 goals...I hope you get the point)?

The twelve key areas that are important to me and upon which the sessions on this platform are focused are as follows. Before, I introduce them, these twelve areas are not a must for everyone. However, there are areas you can't do without which we have identified. Review them and identify those which are important to you and begin to set SMART goals around them.

The 12 key Areas of Human Life:

Finance
Health/Well-being
Work/Career
Self-esteem
Fun and recreation
Home/Family
Relationship with Partner
Network/friendship
Emotional/Mental Health
Personal Productivity
Achievement

Please note Spiritual development is not including because of the diverse religious backgrounds and exposure. If it is key for you, please kindly include it.

All we need is to identify what we want to achieve in these areas and begin setting goals and work towards achieving them. Remember, at the foundation of the accomplishment of goals are beliefs... Make sure they are empowering ones.

Setting your goals made simple:

- Envision what you want each area of your area of your life to look like at the end of your journey on earth.

- Set a five year milestone for yourself in each area, that is, your vision 2022 in each key area of your life (long term goal).

- Set at least two specific things you must accomplish next year in each area towards your milestone (medium term goal).

- Write down things you must do monthly (which will be in turn made weekly and daily activities) to finish 2018 stronger (short term goals).

With this, you are set to dominate 2018.

Do not fall into the category of people who set too many short term goals. The idea is not to be swift but to be consistent. That's why I recommended at least two key goals in each area so you don't get overwhelmed.

Another thing you mustn't take for granted is writing all these things down. You have to refer back to them constantly and track your progress.

All of these will not be complete without this last exercise. Another reason many of us do not accomplish our goals is because we focus on what we don't want instead of on what we want.

Now I am hoping you have identified what you want to achieve in each area of your life next year.

This is what we all will do now, we will all travel to December 24, 2018 and recite all that we accomplished based on the goals we had set today, 24th December, 2017.

What I am asking you to do is affirm it has already happened. You will write in a narrative form. I will share mine with you to guide you. Don't copy me oh! Remember we are running the different races.

This narrative is called your 2018 Affirmations.

Please permit me to wrap up the session before I share my affirmations. I don't want to distract us much.

Now, to the final part of this session.

Wow... It has been a great time tonight FAM. To your Success Strategy...

- Pray
- Work
- Review
- Work
- Accomplish

I know you were expecting a six or seven step guide... If you follow all that we have done so far, you are UNSTOPPABLE, not just for next year, but for the rest of your life.

My 2018 Affirmations –

Today, 24th December, 2018, I started Tobbiez Kitchen in Calabar in March. I felt very glad achieving this feat, considering the rigour of training and registration I had to go through in 2017. I also started the Personal Productivity Clinic, where I equip individuals with relevant skills to improve their productivity in their businesses and career.

This year also I was able to complete one year out of my two years bible reading plan. My spiritual life improved greatly, praying and fasting with Bae was awesome and she shared daily devotionals with me to help me study the word better.

My relationship with friends also improved, compared to 2016 when I hardly created time to check up on them and also spend time with them. This year I had created a list of people who are so dear to me and I made sure reached out to them at least once a week to see how their doing. This strengthened relationships helped me boost my business also both online and offline.

This year, I was able to be more consistent with my workout routine and eating habits. I never joked with my monthly feeding and gym budget. I had a workout partner which made a lot more fun.

I am super glad I was finally able to publish my first book "Dear Youths" in August as a birthday gift to myself and every young Nigerian youth. I had planned to publish it at age 24 but lack of clarity on exactly what I wanted to write hindered me. I am glad the publication is an ever green one. I also published my end of year review and goal setting workbook for my clients, titled "Finish Strong" which ushered in the official launch of my consulting and youth empowerment firm, Life Empowerment Organization (L.E.O.).

I am generally content and at peace with my life and lifestyle, allowing God to direct all affairs of my life.

My relationship with Bae has continued to grow in leaps and bound. I spent my birthday and our anniversary with her. Life has been so beautiful with her. We made it a point of duty to always do a status check on each other's career and business goals. She was a major source of inspiration for my 2018.

I built stronger networks this year, establishing relationships with a lot of people in my industry. I had set a goal to establish a relationship with Steve Harris in 2017 and I am glad I accomplished that. I also set a goal in 2017 to be under the mentorship of Lanre Olusola, but thankfully I was able to actualise that this year. He even wrote the foreword for "Finishing Strong". My relationship with my mentor also improved immensely.

Finally, I established a better relationship with my parents, checking on them more often and visiting whenever I was in town. My brother finally got his company registered and we worked together to build his business structure.

I wish to specially appreciate everyone, friends, family, mentors, The LTA Series family, my amazing team, clients, my fans and well wishers.

2018 was great because of you all.

Cheers!

Yours Sincerely,

Tobi Afolabi, TA Speaks.

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The Let's Talk About Series is a personal and career development discussion platform that discuss diverse topics to help boost people's productivity and build personal confidence. They are passionate about self discovery, and believe the strife for personal development helps in adding value to one's life; creating opportunities and setting priorities for the areas that make them most effective.

You can check out the community on Facebook.

Tobi Afolabi, TA Speaks